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Archive for July, 2009

A day to ponder

So somehow I find myself alone in my (now) clean apartment with a few minutes to clear my head. It has been a busy week – huge new business pitch at work, many post-work obligations, lots going on with family – and of course the start of the IVF cycle.

(And, all of that coincided with ICLW week – so many new visitors here. Welcome!)

This morning I went in for blood work accompanied by DH, which was nice. We agreed that he’d come with me and then we would make a date of it – yummy breakfast at Le Pain Quotidien. After breakfast, we stopped by the world’s most wonderful farmers’ market to supplement our share of the CSA this week (heavy on the beets, which I am still figuring out what to do with…)

I was so tired when we finally got home that I took at 2 hour nap. The kind where you wake up and wonder what day it is. Delicious.

So now that I am more comfortable with the subcutaneous shots, the early morning blood work and ultra-sounds, I’m wondering if there is something else I can be doing. I read this post by The Pitter-Patter on fertility charms and got to thinking – are there foods that I should be incorporating into my diet?

I already try to eat healthy, local and in moderation – but is there something more?

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It’s here…

Thanks to all for the support as I told my boss. And, since the day wasn’t dramatic enough on top of the usual drama of a PR agency, AF started.

Which means that tomorrow is day two – and the start of our first (and last I hope) IVF cycle.

I think that on some level, despite the volume of drugs currently waiting for me, it just doesn’t feel real. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t even really take aspirin and yet here I am on the precipice of major injections.

Onward and updward!

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How much to tell?

On the eve of starting my first IVF cycle, I am faced with something I sort of knew was coming, but hadn’t really though through –

No, not the fear of the massive amounts of drugs currently stocked in my house…

No, not the excitement/optimism/dread of the unknown…

Rather, who at work to tell and what to tell them. The issue was forced last night when I found out that I was slated to go to the west coast for a new business pitch – with just a few days of notice. I hadn’t had the opportunity to tell my immediate supervisor, who I am hoping will be supportive. 

Ironically, there was a recent Wall Street Journal blog about this exact subject – on a blog more often devoted to parents. When I saw it I thought ‘a sign’ that I should begin dutifully preparing how I was going to discuss this with my supervisor – but then, in the course of one day, I was pushed into it by the new business opportunity.

Last night DH listened to me freak out a bit and then calmly suggested that I send a vague email to my supervisor, followed by another email to the senior managers on the team preparing for the west coast trip. In the end, people’s natural avoidance of a ‘confidential medical situation’ settled the issue, but not without some odd residual discomfort for my co-workers (not the senior managers).

So now, tomorrow’s the day of the discussion and I feel like my cards are already on the table… 

Any words of advice for the big discussion? Any lessons learned? Wish I had/wish I hadn’t pointers?

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Penmanship

I’m nearing the end of my BCP, nervously awaiting the start of my first IVF cycle. I’m a planner and so when my RE told me that BCP were the first step I was relieved. I could plan. DH and I could prepare.

We went to the required two hour orientation and then met with a nurse to review our protocol. She had a handy calendar and mapped out when we’d likely have to come in for monitoring, when I would start each drug, when we should expect the transfer.

While I remember thinking – there’s no way I am going to be able to read this later – I didn’t take the time to translate what she was scribling all over the calendar after the meeting.

So now – several weeks later – when DH is trying to figure out when he can go visit some customers in MN – I find my self guessing what the nurse’s chicken scrawl meant.

And I thought doctors were supposed to have illegible handwriting….

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Away We Go

I wanted to love it. I really did. I even convinced DH that we should leave work early to go see it. (Okay, in New York, early is sneaking out at 6:30 p.m.)

I was prepared. Tissues in hand, ready for it.

And I so wanted to love it.

But I didn’t.

What on earth am I rambling about? The movie Away We Go .

Now don’t get me wrong. It had its moments. And, I who cry anywhere – especially these days – found that the best parts were in the trailer. While they do start to deal with loss and challenges in pregnancy at one point in the movie, the plot moves on so quickly that I turned to DH confused (and this is not a fast-paced movie).

The soundtrack on the other hand – awesome.

Anyone out there agree with my assessment?

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We had dinner with my sister-in-law last and her husband last night. They got married last year and while I knew that they were trying – and that she had already been to see an RE – DH and I have been purposely maintaining a firewall. We didn’t share much with them, and we didn’t ask much about their situation.

So with our first IVF cycle starting in a few weeks, DH and I decided that we needed to let a few key people in on our timing for support. After a pitcher of margaritas, I tentatively brought up our situation – and it was literally like I unleashed a dam of information. Details about her IUI and bout with Clomid, a laundry list of friends who are going to the same clinic as us – or who were successful on their first try – or who had twins – came flooding out. On the one hand, it was the first time that I have had a conversation in real life with someone about our situation (beyond our RE and parents), but on the other hand – jeez. Overwhelming to think that EVERYONE in her circle of friends is dealing with this.

But, as overwhelming as that was, the real kicker was that they are moving to IVF and starting the same week we are! On the one hand, that’s great that someone I know, love and trust will know exactly what we are going through. But, on the other hand, what if they are successful and we aren’t? How will I handle that? What if we are lucky and they aren’t? Am I supposed to ‘look forward’ to comparing who had a harder time with the medication? We have had very different paths to this point and it is just hard to think that we are going to go through this together. At the same time.

Any advice for handling this?

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Dodging Strollers

I’m enjoying a day off today – ticking random things off my eternal ‘to do’ list, cleaning up the house, clearing my head and running errands in the neighborhood.

I live in a neighborhood in Brooklyn well known for being family friendly – and full of activist mommiesparents. Prospect Park is a few blocks away and almost everything in the neighborhood is built to accommodate kids. But, for me even the simple act of running errands can be a minefield. It seems as though every person, on every block is pushing a stroller or sporting a bulging belly. Every coffee shop has fliers for the latest class, summer camp or new parent support group. At every yoga studio the mommy & me and prenatal classes outnumber the regular classes. This afternoon, on our way to buy a new toaster, DH turned to me and said, “I wish we knew more people in the neighborhood. It would be nice to run into friends on a day like today.”

I agree, but, really when do we make new friends? When we make significant changes – going to college or graduate school, moving to a new city, starting a new job – and having kids. In this neighborhood, it is *really* hard to meet new people if you don’t have kids.

I’ve tried.

I’ve volunteered. I trained for (and ran) a half-marathon. I joined (and quit) our local food co-op. I frequent local businesses and chat with neighbors holding stoop sales. I’ve tried several local synagogues.

This search for community is only exacerbated the approach of our first IVF cycle – due to start mid- to late July. I’m really nervous and feeling as though I am floundering without a support system. Which brings be back to my blog. My goal this weekend is to get engaged in the on-line ALI community as more than a commenter – as a real participant.

I hope you’ll come back to visit and look forward to forging new friendships online.

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