Posted in TTC on October 29, 2009|
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Thanks for all the supportive comments. For whatever reason, I am more upset by failure number 2 than I was by the first. I think I thought that in the first go-round things could work out, but they really didn’t know what they were doing. Surely with the second they’d have some of the mysteries figured out. Right?
Logically, of course not. But a girl can dream right?
One of the things that made this so hard was *how* I found out. When I went for the blood test in the morning the clinic had me fill out a form with the number I wanted to be called on – and an alternate. DH and I had already discussed how we wanted to hear the results (when we got home, together), so I put my cell and his cell.
So around 1 my cell rang with the clinic’s number. I let it go to VM. Two minutes later my office phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize. Now, to fully understand how much this sucked, you need to know that I sit in an open office – cubicles for all including the CEO.
I answered the phone and my least favorite nurse just blurted out the news. “Your test was negative.”
No sorry. No next steps.
I immediately grabbed my cell and ran to the only conference room with a solid door (the rest have glass all around) and called DH sobbing. Only to be interrupted 3 minutes later by an account team that had reserved the room.
After I pulled myself together a bit, I sent an email to DH saying that I was going to buy the biggest latte I could find. And my wonderful, wonderful life partner left work and met me in a park between our two offices while I sobbed into a brownie and drank coffee.
It’s hard to be alone in New York and so a couple huddled on a bench, wife sobbing and husband comforting inevitably attract attention. But, then again that can be a good thing. About 20 minutes after we sat down a nanny walked by with her charge, stopped and turned to me and said, “What’s your name?”
She then said “It’s going to be okay,” and walked away with the toddler. So I am choosing to believe that somewhere in this big city someone included me in her prayers.
So next steps? No idea just yet. My doctor called and they were able to freeze 4 fertilized eggs of good quality and we’re going to meet with him the week of November 9. Stay tuned — and again, thank you to all who have sent messages of support, who read this blog and who understand what we are going through.
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