[Warning, a rambling post…a small window into the mess that is my thinking process these days]
* Did you ever think that pop culture was conspiring to make things harder? I’m a long-time fan of Grey’s Anatomy and have watched the show through all of the melodramatic ups and downs. But this latest storyline, with Meredith on fertility drugs pushed me a bit far this week. While I do think they’re handling it well – including showing some of the irrational thinking we all go through (e.g., if someone else is pregnant, I’ve lost my chance) – I did find myself crying multiple times during the show.
* This week brought a little healing after last week’s BFN, but DH and I don’t know where to go from here. IVF #4? Start the paperwork for an adoption? Both?
* On the IVF #4 front, we have a little bit of money left that insurance will pay for – and Dr. TAL (along with RE#1 and RE#2) is stumped. He is really encouraging us to do another cycle – which would start mid-March. I’m turning 34, so it feels like we should go forward with at least one more while the money is available and I’m still (reproductively speaking) young.
* On the adoption front, we’ve already met with an attorney that we like and so all we have to do to start the process is send her a check to ‘retain’ her … and then the NY state paperwork, home-study process takes about 3 months. We attended an all-day adoption seminar about 14 months ago and are pretty sure we’d do a domestic adoption.
* The bottom line is that we want to be parents. We’ll get there, but it’s really hard to figure out how. And to keep my chin up when we live in a neighborhood FULL of kids, are surrounded by friends and acquaintances with seemingly endless Facebook updates about new pregnancies, babies and funny things their kids say.
* Tomorrow DH’s sister is bringing her 10-month old over to celebrate DH’s birthday. She knows about last week’s BFN and I’m really on the fence about whether I want to get together, but I’m burying that feeling and keeping a smile on my face for DH’s family. That’s what he wants.
* And finally, we have some gift certificates to Borders, which is in bankruptcy. Any suggestions of good adoption books to look into?
Happy President’s weekend to those of you that are still reading…
So sorry you are faced with such difficult choices. But you’re right–you will be parents one day. I just wish it were easier getting you there.
I don’t have any great suggestions b/c we did international and everything we read was on transracial (unless you’re interested in transracial domestic?) and international….
Hang in there.
PS I still check my lastchanceivf@gmail account every now and again–didn’t set up a new one for mytwolines!
Good luck with making these decisions and figuring out a plan in the coming months. Having a ‘we’ll get there’ attitude is a big part of winning the battle, good for you! Sorry, I don’t know of any good books about adoption.
You’ve got a lot to contend with. Why do difficult decisions always come at emotionally challenging times? Take care, and I hope your sister in law is sensitive with the baby.
I’m still here reading! I don’t know if this could be in the financial and emotional cards for you, but have you considered going to CCRM? And/or doing the e-tegrity test? I suggest these because these two things made the difference for me, and while I know they don’t work for everyone, maybe it is a shot you are willing to take. My very well-respected, with good SART rates, etc, local RE would never have gotten me pregnant, as they were unwilling to look at rare issues.
I know you will become parents too, I hope it is sooner than later ’cause the waiting sucks. Good luck with the SIL today.