There is something ironic about perusing the eight (you read that correctly, eight) books on adoption in a Park Slope book store. The section is right by the enormous kids section and dwarfed by cookbooks touting vegan, holistic infant foods guaranteed to make your baby gifted. There are toddlers running everywhere and just-hatched infants swaddled over beautiful mothers’ shoulders. The customer service desk practically yelled a response when I asked where I could find a specific book – “Our adoption section is TINY!’ – causing at least five people to turn and stare at me (or her). Not an auspicious start…
I know it’s been a while since I posted and a lot has happened – and I’m excited, terrified, thrilled and sad all at the same time. We’ve decided to pursue adoption – domestic, private – and we’re on the steepest part of the learning curve. As with other major milestones in my life, the trip to the bookstore made it real – and fueled my suspicion that this is not the right neighborhood for us.
To catch any possible readers (who have bothered to keep checking in on my long-dormant blog) up – we had our WTF meeting with Dr. TAL that revealed…nothing. We are 100% unexplained – which is all the three doctors we’ve seen agree on. If we want to move forward with ART, donor egg is the next step. We’re tired and given that I am now considered ‘young’ for donor egg, we’re going to wait for a bit on that – if at all.
And (drum roll please), we’re going to adopt. The truth is that I’ve always thought that I’d adopt and I’ve always wanted a big family. DH and I even talked about it early on in our relationship. But I thought that we’d have a biological child first. So I suppose that the ‘loss’ I’m supposed to be grieving (according to the adoption-after-infertility books I’ve been reading ) isn’t as acute? Or maybe it is. Either way, we’re determined to be parents and if that means that I don’t get to have the experience of carrying a child and bringing him or her into the world, so be it.
We are almost done with the first round of NY state paperwork, have retained an attorney (that we met with last year), are in the midst of scheduling a home study with our assigned social worker, have spoken at length to our financial planner, have tracked down all addresses we’ve had for the last 28 years (quite a task!), and have asked two close friends and our bosses for reference letters.
In the midst of the paperwork flurry our last local couple friends without kids announced they are pregnant and my best childhood friend announced she’s pregnant with #2. Both are aware of our situation and have been supportive, but they are definitely in the ‘it was easy’ category. We’re still considering raising money for the adoption by hiring ourselves out as fertility charms…for other people.
And so that’s it. A very big new chapter – perhaps even a new book – but one that we are excited about, albeit nervous. Since I picked an innocuous blog name I think I’ll just stay here. Hope you’ll stay with us for the journey. I think I could use the support…